Conversations Among the Ruins

"My God this planet
is so over populated."

Under my breath
it's loud in my head
walking through a

packed events center.

I went to see Tool
last night. The reason being
that if I asked

the man that I love
to do something for me,

like basically,
anything imaginable,
no matter how much

he didn't want to,
he would, with a smile.

Working relationship is
a machine of compromise
and for
the past year we've

been together I've
refused on all shows.

Because I'd rather be
picking out what dress
I'll wear in my casket or

getting a needle removed
from my eye.

I used to get fucked up
every night of my life

at shows because I
didn't fit in, and I didn't
want to be there,

so I just started drinking,
and when wasted, it was
fun and it mattered,

until, everything that did
didn't exist because it
was replaced

with that.

"Lighten up." I've heard it
well since I was twenty five
but I
don't wear that. I don't own

that phrase, because I'd
rather be who I am
then a person enlightened

by the pretty LED wall
graphics, surrounded
by dancing bafoons

that throw beer
wearing faded black
denim and eyebrow rings

for fun.
Music.

Art within a constant
crisis of the ego but
isn't it all.

Lately I want to get
high as a kite and
that's the truth.

Listen to like
loud music and be
out of it enough
think it has something

to do
with existing
and wake up

four years later
like I'm twenty one
only I'm

twenty five and
lost because it wasn't
ever real.

I get really weird
about what "fun"
even means.

All I did at that
screaming metal show
was close my eyes

and watch
all of the suns
set.

Lightwaves
from

here.

Drive boy dog boy
Dirty numb angel boy
In the doorway boy
She was a lipstick boy
She was a beautiful boy
And tears boy
And all in your innerspace boy
You had
hands girl boy
and steel boy
You had chemicals boy
I've grown so close to you
Boy and you just groan boy
She said comeover comeover
She smiled at you boy.

Drive boy dog boy
Dirty numb angel boy
In the doorway boy
She was a lipstick boy
She was a beautiful boy
And tears boy
And all in your innerspace boy
You had
hands girl boy
and steel boy
You had chemicals boy
I've grown so close to you
Boy and you just groan boy
She said comeover comeover
She smiled at you boy.

Let your feelings slip boy
But never your mask boy
Random blonde bio high density rhythm
Blonde boy blonde country blonde high density
You are my drug boy
You're real boy
Speak to me and boy dog
Dirty numb cracking boy
You get wet boy
Big big time boy
Acid bear boy
Babes and babes and babes and babes and babes
And remembering nothing boy
You like my tin horn boy and get
Wet like an angel
Derail

You got a velvet mouth
You're so succulent and beautiful
Shimmering and dirty
Wonderful and hot times
On your telephone line
And god and everything
On your telephone
And in walk an angel

And look at me your mom
Squatting pissed in a tube-
hole at Tottenham Court Road
I just come out of the ship
Talking to the most
Blonde I ever met
Shouting
Lager lager lager lager
Shouting
Lager lager lager lager
Shouting...
Lager lager lager
Shouting
Mega mega white thing
Mega mega white thing
Mega mega white thing
Mega mega
Shouting lager lager lager lager
Mega mega white thing
Mega mega white thing
So many things to see and do
In the tube hole true
Blonde going back to Romford
Mega mega mega going back to Romford
Hi mom are you having fun
And now are you on your way
To a new tension
headache

Lovely drip
drop gigantic
waves of

creativity
in solace.

Kiss the day
hello remember

to say goodbye
to the moon.

I should play
Wheel in the Sky
by Journey again but

that'd add it up to
a few hundred
today.

I dance around
my living room
office and

bedroom more
than you
buy yourself shit

you can't
afford.

I'm joke
broke but free
except for when

I get so dizzy
in my head I can't
get up off of the
couch.

Nancy has thick
blonde hair. She says
no matter how

blank

I am that I
am still
remarkable.

For that a
likewise the woman
showed me

I was a life
worth saving.

She likes gaudy
things and stating
her opinion

without apology.
She sends me food
and books and

reminds me why
I had to leave.

I had to leave to
ride my waves
alone to grow out

of my own
conditioned
silence.

You'd laugh
really.

Boston more than a
feeling in my
ipod I have on a

sports bra and shorts
at midnight with a
cigarette in my
mouth

putting another
coat of gold

onto my table
that I'm slapping
OHM on
in white

tomorrow morning.

Boston reminds me of
Windy City on the patio
with Joe and Lauren, Chris
Snick and so many many

others.
Out on a patio
until seven am

after pulling a
double to pull another
in a few hours.

"You are so
fucking sick heath
just drink a
martini"

I have my
Jami and Jason
family my Lisa and Randy
family I have my

Michelle Rene family and
my NS family my
Sunday Family Day Crew my

Olivia Carrie and Scott
family.

Everybody has their
own set of songs. Liv loves
Beyonce she told me

"You look like
her." I cackled
for a while
for that
one.

Mish is Petty and
InoJ and to all of you

that ever saw
something in me

thank you for that
tonight in this
sharp shocked
heat.

Thank you to
every
single
person

that stumbles
upon my words.

I am thankful
for you, whoever
you are/ all that you're

trying to
see.

We are identical
in that
regard.