Conversations Among the Ruins

I feel out of it
and tangled up
into some sort of

balled up piece of
tin fiol or paper.

I have too many
edges.

I am too tired
to get out of
sleep - even

music sounds
the way
a dim light in

the distance
would. A revolution

is upon us and
my father says he'll
bail me out of jail if I

need that. The man
that's told me
for my whole life

"Everybody
is a crook."

I'm just
out of it and I
don't even know what

it is. Loopy.
Tired.

Dead
asleep but just
awake

enough.

It will, however, be live streamed, uploaded, blogged, shared and experienced by the other 99% of the powers that be.

Keep yourself informed.

Last night as I tried to identify just what was in a container of panda express I had ordered I sat on my bed in front of a TV. I'm adjusting to a new house and figuring out just what the hell to do with myself at night if in the event I'm not at work. I'm fidgety - currently painting a jet black goddess night queen but I lack focus
. I'm bad at eating. Let me re phrase that. I'm bad at eating if it is my responsibility to prepare food. I wait until I'm about to drop and order mystery fast food - generally a happy meal if starbucks is closed. Last night I went out on a limb and went to Panda Express, of which, after looking at it after ordering, I still haven't eaten once in my life.

I feel that my life changed forever last night as I sat there. I rarely ever watch television, it's poison in my opinion, but I'm lonely, and this comes on.

To say the least my mouth just hung open. This is happening? In the United Sates? Why hadn't I heard about it?! What could I do?! I live on Starbucks and Marlboro Lights and I am blessed for the fantastic job with benefits I have (utterly un heard of in this town) because it is in hospitality. Hospitality has not been out sourced. One of the last remainders. I hang on to that. I am blessed for that.

Everybody with half a brain knows that radical change is upon us. So many of the conversations that left a deep imprint from Burning Man this year were pointedly on that topic. I left the Burn with the love and faith in humanity it always leaves me with, but this time with something different. Three words.

New. World. Order.

I kept writing that over and over. Wrote it in playa as the temple burned over and over.

Lately I've felt frustrated, wondering constantly what reason was for me to even be here. I have gained this incredible clarity lately about very many of my past lives, and as I sit here I struggle to even say that part, because then I'll just be another "kid" or "hippie" that the media dismisses these occupancy uprisings as groups of. But that's the reality of where my head has been lately. Writing out in great detail every life incarnation I've experienced here. Here, on this planet, and it left me with a constant "So what is left. Why this time as this body? Why here? Why now?"

Because it sure as fuck isn't to watch Real Housewives and Jersey Shore and work so I can buy myself shit and pay my rent and get fucked up for fun.

Watching that video was probably the first time in my life, aside from 9/11, where my body simply froze. The clarity of that speaker. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and I threw that shitty fast food chinese into the garbage, ate a granola bar, and went to sleep.

And yes, true to form, completely forgot about it for the morning. Until somebody else posted the video on fac3book. I met a man, a beautiful film maker, at the burn. We talked for hours and what I remember the most clear was him saying

"And do you realize? What it means? The internet. Social networking. They are all steps towards unity. For one peoples public. Universally." So I did what anybody would do. I gave him a pen and had him write his contact information on my rabbit ears.

It was years ago (ok, like three) that I first read that we created the weather. That human beings are a cell system within the living organism of which is this Earth (Caroline Myss, Anatomy of the Spirit) That we are all connected, and that in killing this planet we are killing ourselves, and that if society as we know it doesn't break and change soon, the planet will do it for us.

"In your lifetime the world will change dramatically. The masculine energy will be replaced by the feminine energy, for the greater of Man and Planet organism combined." There is not one day that has gone by that those words have not crossed my mind. Nor have the last, almost haunting but true words I have ever heard, spoken so softly - after a three hour discussion about "the revolution" they said

"So many
will parish."

Flip back make it about three months ago. I'm driving from Barstow back to Las Vegas. The 15 is this super open one lane in both directions highway for most of the way. A majestic desert drive and it wasthe day Samantha Ronson got a DUI. Why do I know shit like this? Because I read American news sources and that is what news is here. I don't claim to be all smugly informed and in the know about what the hell is actually going on. Why? Because I'm self centered, and so is everybody else. So lets be honest. I am utterly fucking clueless, but I have a clue enough to actually admit it. To admit my own short comings and not jump on some bandwagon of "Fuck that politician for that reason."

That is not my focus. My focus is on a structure of being a part of carrying out the extreme change that this whole world so desperately needs. If there is one thing I know about myself it is this: I have a fucking rockin knack for perseverance, I value my integrity, and I know how to LISTEN.

So I place this frantic phone call to NE. Voicemail goes something like
"Hay. Koala Bear. it's me. Call me. Shit is about to get real in this country and we need to talk about it. And get a foid card. Or least arm yourself." True to form, I forgot all about that phone call.

Until today. Today when I decided to spend the day reading the actual news. The actual occupancy protests. The actual photographs. It isn't Fox or MSNBC or even the AP. I swear to God I read for ten hours straight today. I read blogs and watched streamed youtube accounts, and it isn't what I'm reading or watching. It's what it's making me feel. "How is the revolution going?" My boyfriend asks cheerfully from a cell phone in Beverly Hills. And I'm like "Fuck. It's happening. And I'm showing up. I'm irresponsible sometimes and too sensitive, God knows I can't keep a budget. I eat candy for every meal and if somebody told me I had to run a mile without stopping I'd probably drop dead. I'm not even registered to vote in this state, Taylor Swift could be my district rep for all I know, but I know .. I feel.. in some justified way that no matter what, I have a voice. Somehow, I have that. I'll bring cookies if I have to be let in. But I'll be there. Dude. I'm doing this. I want to be a part of this. It's important."

Of which I did not add "Now save yourself and get the fuck out of Southern California while the 101 is still in tact."

http://www.occupytogether.org/

http://www.youtube.com/user/TheAnonPress?feature=mhee

I read all day long, read myself into a trance.. and went out to dinner, where nobody spoke of this. Do people not know this is happening? Why are people droning on on fac3book about what they're doing this weekend? Am I the only one reading this shit? Do I sound crazy because this matters? Should I be posting about my shoes instead or what?

Because it's all this "peaceful protest" and that's horse shit. It's horse shit because the only reason this even got my attention was because the big story that made MSNBC was about the NYPD brutality.

I WOULD HAVE NEVER SEEN THE STORY HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE VIOLENCE. We do not live in a society where peace, love, empathy and respect sends a message to the masses. That is the simple reality. Don't shoot the honest messenger. So get real.

I mean I'm just saying. Shit is about to get real, and people. I'm serious. Protect yourselves and stay aware. Tell the people that you love you love them, and take care of your neighbors. Do and act to others as they would to you.

Have. A. Plan, and bottles of water.

(Insert yes this sounds bat shit nuts but duh idiot I'm a clairvoyant that's humble enough to know that if this somehow sticks with you and saves or helps you later that you can judge me and think I'm crazy now.) Anyway. yes. A plan.

Like when you were at the carnival when you were a kid and if you got lost, you'd always meet somewhere. Just something, because I guarantee it isn't going to be all fucking art cars and henna tents when this starts to roll.

People are going to die. They don't have to. But they will, because that is our nature as a society.

I watched Occupy Las Vegas go from 490 likes to 647 likes today. In five hours.

Lately this web page has been getting thousands of hits a day. To the point that I just pretend I'm writing to myself because it's dwarfing and scary.

Maybe it's because this is the only voice I have, and I'm still talking to a blank wall.

But anyway. Why am I passionate about this?

For one I have watched my parents work middle class jobs for my whole life. I have watched as their hours have been cuts and benefits taken (if ever there at all.) They showed up to work, early, six days a week. For my whole life. And now my mom might lose her pension, and my dad cannot keep working for the corporate demons of which are FedEx for very much longer because his body can't handle it, but he's going to have to, because they don't have any other options.

I am passionate about this because of my friend Jami, who busted her ass to be a part of a now vacant Electric Union in Las Vegas and lost her home as a result of unemployment, from a "work for life" union. That home was a part of my soul, my spirit, and now itS empty.

I am passionate about this issue because in the state of Illinois the funding was cut for the program, LSSI, that saved my life, and the woman that showed me my path was unemployed for over a year afterwards. I am passionate about this because that painting no longer hangs on that wall.

I am passionate about this because at least once a week I serve dinner to "pharmecutical parties" who give three hour presentations to doctors over coursed meals and wine about how to convince their patients that they need to be prescribed their product. (DRUG)

I am passionate this because I miss my boyfriend and he has to go to another state to be able to find work. I live in a fucking ghost town where everybody goes for vacation. Who are these people anyway? Shopping in Ceasers Palace forum shops. Because I'm at 711 under a mile away after work with a switchblade in my hand for anybody that approaches me. And I have a fantastic job where I make great money, but I'm still just trying to live.

I am passionate about this because five hundred feet from the Louie Vuitton store on Las Vegas Boulevard there is an open field of shattered glass where dozens of homeless people huddle and sleep under the shade - created by billboards for nightclubs - Vanity, Tryst, XS - enough.

I am passionate about this because every time I go to the grocery store my Don Francisco coffee goes up. IN THE DOLLAR RANGE. I don't even have a family I'm just trying to support a caffeine habit. I can't even imagine having to buy cheerios and diapers.

I am passionate about this because for a long time I thought I was un worthy because I wasn't a Kim or a Paris or a Lindsay, and if I didn't have money, I couldn't have possibly had a voice, and if I didn't have money, I wouldn't ever be beautiful, and if I didn't have money, I would never matter in this world. I am passionate about this because I sold my soul to those beliefs - parts of myself I will never get back.

That is what media taught me. The importance of the dollar.

I had to go very very very very far down the continuum of "almost dead" to come back and un learn that and believe something else. And that something else is in myself, and in this movement, and in love, empathy, respect, integrity and unity.
.

What devastates me about the current President is that I felt truly gifted to be a part of that election - to witness the extreme aura of hope that President Obama brought to an entire public, and the devastation .. to watch that hope be replaced with defeat, disdain, and "of course." That. Is the most disturbing, and I think that the best thing this President can do is zip it the fuck up about his upcoming election and do what he has to do for the remainder of this one. But that's just me.

But really, really. Why am I so passionate about this?

Because I know a little girl named Olivia that is nine years old, and a little girl named Grace that is one. Kaylani is four and Evannah is 6. There is this kid named Lyric that I am obsessed with. She's three. What in the hell world are we creating for these kids? What example are we setting, and what point is enough enough? Like the sign says.

If not US, WHO?
If not NOW, WHEN?

I hope you got something out of this. I for one have a 10 a.m date at Red Rock and I've waited until three in the morning to actually write something of substance. Werd nerd.

Heather Co.

DO YOU HAVE THIS ON???

Do you feel that? Do you hear that?

Where's your head at?